It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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