My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize