grandma shit on top of the toilet
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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