If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
they're like a gay fantastic four
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
