Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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