Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
