I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize