i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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