She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
