Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
