hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
