We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
