I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
