I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
