I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
