he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize