I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
