tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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