Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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