hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
