my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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