if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize