Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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