so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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