Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
