apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
