I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
