Got a toothbrush?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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