I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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