Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize