I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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