Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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