when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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