you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
