dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize