Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
