Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
