Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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