yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize