apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
