don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
