Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
