Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
