hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
