dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
