It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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