I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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