i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
