If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
