THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
