Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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