Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
