Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
