you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
