i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
