just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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