if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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