this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
