I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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