I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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