evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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