whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
