I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
