Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
