Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
