Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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