in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
