I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
