Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
