Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
