My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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