god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
