Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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