can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
