So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
