I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
