Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
