When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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