discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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