An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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