This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
