Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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