they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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