Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
