we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
