You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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