We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize