you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
