I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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