I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it was like eating out sand paper
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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