hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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