Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
