i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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