That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he thought i was a dude.
I wish you could order shots online.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
