dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
