Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
