he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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