Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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