people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
