dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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