Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
