So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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