one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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